rebellion

"man sinned because he tried to overturn the authority of God. lucifer became satan because he wished to overthrow God's authority. he not only does not submit himself to the authority of God, but also instigates men to rise up against Him too. when Christ shall come, however, he will crush satan with His authority. the sword which comes out of His mouth is the power of His authority. christians today ought to learn to submit themselves under the authority of God."

- watchman nee

i often consider this as the source of all our woes down here on planet earth. the source of our anger, our frustrations, our fears and desires. to elevate ourselves to be like God. and when we fail (which is always) we fall back into our sinful human state. and yet it isn't always easy to submit to authority. it isn't in our nature. in fact our whole culture rails against it. we want to be cool. we want everyone to pay attention to us. and we want to run the show. it reminds me of that scene in "cool hand luke" where he's fighting big george kennedy. kennedy clearly bests him time and again, and at first everyone is laughing at poor pathetic paul newman being beaten down only to rise up time after time refusing to submit. many of us love that scene. it's a picture of our stubborn unrelenting hearts toward God.
and finally at the end of it, with nothing left to give and all his fellow prisoners yelling for luke to "stay down" he is gently picked up by the big man and taken to a place of rest. so it is with us. time and again i have sought to be God, to usurp Him in my own life. to take His job, then only to have Him give me a beat down, after which He gently picks me up, cradling me and taking me to a place of rest. how my soul longs for rest in this life. and i think david the shepherd understood it as well.

"you make me to lie down in green pastures. you restore my soul. your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

i am still learning.